Throughout our Years
by Frostedwings
Summary: The day she saw him in Prague marked the start of a very long, very painful game that evolved into something they later called "love."
1. Chapter 1

Throughout our Years

Disclaimer: I do not own Leverage or any of its characters.

A/N: This is basically a [very fluffy] summary/interpretation of Sophie and Nate's relationship. This chapter follows all the way through the beginning of season 2. It's not that detailed but if you're as afraid of spoilers as I am, I wouldn't recommend reading it. Not sure how accurate Sophie's thoughts are, but it was fun to write, so I may add another chapter later.

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Maybe it's a cliché to say this, but the first time she saw him, there had been a brief moment when time stood still. He was attractive to say the least, but something about the way he pursued her... And with such persistence. For the first time in years there was actually someone who could potentially outmaneuver her, even when she was pulling the best of cons. It was a wonderful game they played until of course- he did catch her. That was when she met the real Nathan Ford, not the clever witted hunter she had imagined, but just an "honest man" determined to do his job. For some reason, she liked him all the more for that. After spending countless days and nights, wearing facades in the company of corrupt and scheming criminals, Nate was something fresh and new. His righteous character and steadfast morals stood out in severe contrast to her multiplying aliases and opportunism, but that only served to increase the attraction between them. Despite whatever feelings she may have had though, there was a part of her that felt relieved when she discovered he was married. It meant no matter how much she dug, she would never be in too deep; there was always a guarantee that he would push her away before things got too far. She could tease him, she could taunt him; it wouldn't matter. Time after time he would always do the right thing and step back.

A few years passed, and during that period, she encountered him repeatedly. After a while it didn't matter what face she wore; he knew her well enough to see straight through her act. Slowly she discovered that Nathan Ford was more interested in the real her than the painted portrait of sensual sophistication she usually put on for most men. Sure they still had their game, but from time to time Sophie would find herself revealing aspects of her personality to him that hadn't seen the light of day in over a decade. It was never easy though. She would test him. She would play him, and in the end they would both go home frustrated with the other's defenses. As they grew closer, she started to want him- to want more than just the occasional wink or flirtatious smile. Gradually his marriage became less of a safeguard and more a part of the wall that stood between them. They would spend months trying to build that wall up high and then watch it fall to pieces as soon as they were together. Just a few simple words from him could make her heart ache and her resolve crumble. But that was dangerous for both of them, and just as suddenly as they had met, he was gone, leaving her to the slow and endless process of unwillful detachment. So many times, she told herself he wasn't worth it. She used every trick she knew to trivialize their relationship, but the image of his face always kept coming back. As did that one tormenting question of: _Does he care?_

In the end, she decided to fall back in with the rest of the crowd. She gave up being a thief, and set her sights on becoming an actress. Inevitably time made him a faded memory. In the back of her mind though, there was always this hope that he would find her. Maybe this time around, the wall would be low enough that one of them could reach over and pull themselves across. Sophie could only hope it would be that easy…

Amazingly enough though, he did come back for her, and much to her delight she discovered that all the old obstacles in their relationship had become nonexistent fragments of the past. He was divorced. No longer a White Knight, but a twisted Black King. Part of her applauded that change, encouraged it even. However, it didn't take long for her to see that life had altered him beyond repair. A new wall was erected between them, and Nate made no move to take it down. Still, she was convinced that this time they would make it. Not all the days were bad, not by a long shot. Working with a team and becoming a part of a, albeit dysfunctional, kind of family… It changed her.

Now Sophie was sure she could handle him. When the time came that Nate was ready to lower that wall, she was certain that she had enough spring in her step to run right over and meet him. But he wasn't ready. And suddenly the thought began to strike her that he never would be willing to open up a crack wide enough for her to fit through that wall. His pain and his drunkenness hurt her, but although he was broken, the essence of the man she knew was still there. Sophie could see it in his every gesture. The way he looked at her. The glint that caught in his eye when she brought up memories of their past. He was still there, and this time she was willing to wait for him to come around. At least for a while anyway…

More time passed, frustration set in, and before she knew it, she was back to lying to him again. He saw through it of course, but it was too little too late. The team was compromised, and it was all because she had walked into Sterling's bait. In the comeback operation, seeing Nate together with Maggie ate away at her already dissolving patience. All the same she discovered, almost to her annoyance, that she liked the woman who had been his wife. She was pretty. She was smart. And above all she was pure. Watching them from afar Sophie saw how perfectly they fit together; like pieces in a puzzle. That wasn't the final straw though. In the end, he was the one who decided to sever the team's ties once and for all- to sever his ties with _her_.

So she cried a little to herself and then when it was over, finally she just let him go. There was nothing else to do… _It's a fresh start _she promised. _You don't need him. You don't know him. Move on. _And somehow thinking that got her through.

The next six months were good for her. She met Adam, and suddenly it felt as though she was floating on a cloud. Like Nate he was honest, maybe even more so. He was expressive, almost like a little boy the way he would pour out his hopes and dreams to her. She didn't have to constantly press him to keep talking, didn't have to continuously analyze him to know what he was thinking. As much as Sophie tried though, she just couldn't reciprocate that sincerity… First it started with her name. Katherine. She'd always liked that name. And to make a fresh start she needed a new one right? Then it was her job. But what could she tell him? That she was a retired art thief who couldn't act onstage to save her life? Then her family. Her hobbies. Her past. Her friends. One lie led to another, and before long, she was acting again, and being with him was just like another opportunity to practice a part in a play. But Adam was funny; he was good to her. He actually _wanted_ to be with her. She basked in his light, but her own lack of radiance prevented him from doing the same.

For a while Sophie forgot about the team and the con. Her life had become so stable, it was almost stagnant. She got caught up in the routine; her focus became limited to acting and Adam. Outside of that there were no other possibilities. She was like a cartoon superhero who had given up her powers in order to live a normal life. And although she wouldn't admit it, the Sophie Devereaux inside her found it dull in comparison. That's why, when it came time to send out the invitations to the play, she found herself eagerly scribbling down all of their names. But her pen stopped to linger a moment on the one string of syllables she had forced herself to forget. She said it aloud. _"Nathan Ford." _A shiver ran down her spine. The lid popped open and memories started leaking out in swarms. But she steadied herself, placed a hand on that lid, and sealed it tight. She was Katherine now. And Katherine didn't care about "Nathan Ford." The problem was… Sophie Devereaux still did.

Even at the play, she couldn't tell him. She didn't want him to know about the new wall, the one only she could see. At the same time he needed to know… Otherwise he might go and bash his head on it. In the end maybe she just wanted to see him again. To con again. To go back to being Sophie for a while. Whatever the reason, she came to his apartment that night only to find him grappling with an intruder. There was a struggle. Nate walked out the door for a second. She grabbed a weapon and waited, breathless. Finally when his face reappeared, her nerves were so shot, that she just smacked him in the face with her bludgeon (in this case, a metal pan). He fell to the floor. A mix of worry and relief flooded her features. She wanted both to laugh and to cry. She couldn't count how many times she'd wanted to smack him like that, and now that she had, it wasn't worth anything anymore. That night she hoisted him on the couch and went up to his room. Opening his closet, she ruffled through a few of his shirts and picked out one that would be comfortable enough to sleep in. As she pulled it over her shoulders, she couldn't help but realize that it smelt like him. In fact the entire room did.

Sophie seated herself on his bed, ran her hands through the sheets, and imagined how it would feel if he was lying there next to her. Her lips pressed together in a smile and the thought turned to dust. The past was the past. That was where their relationship belonged. Still, she couldn't help but curl up under the covers and indulge in that scent.

She slept unusually well that night. Probably better than she had in years…


	2. Chapter 2

Throughout our Years

Disclaimer: I do not own Leverage or any of its characters.

A/N: I've decided that I really need to finish this story somehow. I'm just not sure where... Sorry if I'm botching it, but I really wanted to take a stab at getting inside Sophie's head. :P

More season 2 spoilers. This chapter is short. Next one will be much longer, so it will take me some time to post it…

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_Hey, it's after 7. Where are you? _

_I'm waiting. _

Sophie sighed inwardly as she read the message. With a quick push of her thumb, she deleted it, and stowed the phone in her bag. Nate approached her while she was distracted and proposed dinner.

Admitting it was easier than she had expected. The word dangled in front of him. A single, spoken word that made his mouth twitch in a way that almost resembled a grimace.

"_Boyfriend."_

He pretended to nod as if he understood completely, and she had to bite back the urge to try and console him. They stumbled through an awkward exchange of words that ended in her walking out the door.

That evening, Katherine ate with Adam. She laughed at his jokes, teased him a little, and weaved lie after beautiful lie about the ups and downs of her day. As always the performance was perfect. All the same, she didn't have to read his mind to know that he was growing tired of the act…

Being able to con again was wonderful. Finally there were new roles to play, new things to steal. But it was more than that. She relished the feeling of gratitude that emanated from all their clients. Occasionally, she would catch herself glancing at Nate out of the corner of her eye and thinking- _He's the one who made all this possible. _

Her heart began to beat with that familiar longing, and she found she had to repeatedly check herself to make sure she was still on solid ground. The wall was crumbling again, but Sophie knew it didn't matter. They would find ways to build new ones. There would always be something there, blocking them from each other. He seemed to have accepted that, so why couldn't she do the same?

After months of balance, finally her life was starting to cave in around her. Losing Adam was hard. Much harder than she ever imagined it would be. She had taken him for granted. Up until they broke things off, he had just been another man in her life. Sure she had hoped their relationship would last, but looking back, Sophie wondered if she hadn't seen the end coming.

"_There's always a mask…" _

For so many years she had always prided herself on being a good grifter. She could see into other people; read them, flatter them, break them, while never giving away even the tiniest piece of herself. Without a basis for truth though, lies were just lies. They had become her life, and somehow Sophie wanted to change that…

Switching up the con consoled her in part, as did Nate's steady reassurances that he understood her uncertainty.

He said he would give her time. At first, hearing that made her laugh. Time for what? Time for them to grow older? Time for them to fix themselves? How many years had they spent just waiting for time to bring them together? No, she wasn't convinced that time would solve anything. What she did feel, however, was him reaching out to her. And that she took to heart. She encased the memory in her heart as one of the few times that he had been plainly honest with her.

And slowly, what was left of the wall vanished into thin air.

She waited patiently for him to build a new one, to find a girlfriend, or develop some other kind of attachment or trauma that would keep her at arm's length. But there was none. And before she knew what was happening, she was pouring her heart out to him. And he was stepping closer… too close… But she wanted him- she really-

_No. _

No, it wasn't right. Someday he might make a new attachment or develop a new complex. And he would block her off. Or maybe she would… Who could say? She didn't even know who she was anymore.

Maybe it was just that she was lost.

Part of her was glad he let her walk away. The other part wanted to turn around and shout at him for not stopping her.

Time always got away from them. One way or another…


End file.
